apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
