how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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