he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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