so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Randomize
