She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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