? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if only i could text you this smell
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
