The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I look better un-naked...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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