I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
