i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
