Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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