I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
