Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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