i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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