Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
