Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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