Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
