Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
