Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
