you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
