We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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