god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
