Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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