why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
