You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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