nut hugger
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
