You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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