There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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