Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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