Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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