I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
