The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
