We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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