youre lurking in front of me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
please come you make the beer taste better
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize