I accidentally had phone sex last night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
