i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
