he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
