I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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