eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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