My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
