He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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