i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
