What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
True college students do jello shots in the library
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
