sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
