Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
