i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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