im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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