i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
