Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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