i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
