I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
