Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
