census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
