Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
