He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Boobs speak an international language.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
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