and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
