just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
