Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
