God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
