I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
