Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
