Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
