A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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