I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize