i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
