I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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