I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
