I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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