They should really pass out barf bags in church
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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