Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
